Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
