doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
