you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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