that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
