Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love having hate sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
