I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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