dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
