I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
