Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
