If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
