Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
