I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
