Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
