Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
