Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
