$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
