He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
