Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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