After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
