The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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