if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
