I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
