Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Someone came in the potted fern
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
