margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
