just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
