Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
