member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
