Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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