His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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