I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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