So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
