WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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