You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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