And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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