when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
