Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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