So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
