We're like a lot better than the average bears
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
