Apparently you make a good broom.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
