Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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