Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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