There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had to cum in my sink.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
