I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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