i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
