I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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