Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
