It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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