I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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