He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
