At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
