idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
