WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
