I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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