Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
