Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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