I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
