I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
