This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
