I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
