I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
