I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
