You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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