I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
