i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
