Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
