Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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