Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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