The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
