I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
