Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
