Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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