it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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