ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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