i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
